Chapter Four: Past Tense



Jim Ellison looked around the copse of trees in bewilderment. "What the hell am I doing HERE?" he muttered irritably.

"I thought you READ Dickens," spoke a voice over his shoulder.

"GAH!" Ellison jumped in startled surprise. He spun around to see a spritely face he hadn't seen in about a year, framed in a cascade of mousy reddish-brown curls. "Cassie?" he asked, stunned.

"No, silly," she giggled. "I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past. Neat, huh?"

"But I thought you-"

"Got transferred? Got promoted? Quit the force? Did they ever actually say WHY I was off the show?"

"The show? What show?"

"Nevermind," Cassie waved dismissively. "They KILL that Crosby bitch on Star Trek and nobody complains when SHE comes back repeatedly - even when she's a ROMULAN! But let ME so much as do a cameo WALK ON, and the flack starts up immediately."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Cassie grabbed Jim by the collar and yanked him down to meet her eye to eye. "Shut UP. People LIKE you because you're some square-jawed blockhead. People HATE me just because I -MIGHT- have been used to replace that fucking GUPPY Maggert. But that's not important, now is it? This is about YOU... like it ALWAYS is."

"I'm confused," Jim murmured. "Who's Maggert? Why the hell does he piss you off? Why take it out on ME?"

"Oh, that's RIGHT," she said smacking herself in the forehead. "This is kayfabe. Sorry." she released him, and he pulled away reflexively. "We're inside," she pronounced.

"What the-? Are you CRAZY?" Jim sputtered. "Look around! We're standing in the middle of-"

"Yes?" she said smirking.

"My living room?" Jim whispered. "At the old house... How did...? Who are...?"

"Magic and the Ghost of Christmas Past," she nudged. "Try to keep up, won't you?"

Two youngsters bounded down the stairs and ran to the hall closet. "I heard him put the stuff here last night, Stevie," the older one whispered conspiratorily. "Stay on the lookout for Pop, huh?"

"Okay, Jimmy," said Stevie. "Are you SURE you can tell what's inside without taking off the paper?" He didn't seem convinced, but was willing to go along.

"I think so," Jimmy replied as he opened the door. "Remember, you give a yell if dad comes back. I'm gonna be concentrating on the stuff, so I won't be able to tell if he comes back early. Don't get us pinched, okay?"

"Okay, Jimmy," Stevie said happily. "Make with the X-Ray."

"Don't let me down, now," Jimmy warned. "We're in this together, don't forget."

"Sure, sure," Stevie replied. "Check one of mine first, though."

"You knew what you could do, even back then," mused Cassie.

"Don't trust him," Jim warned. "He'll sell you out!"

"They can't hear or see us, of course," Cassie sighed. "This is just your memories. We're merely shadows."

"Okay, here's one for you," Jimmy said stepping into the closet. He picked up the package and sniffed at it. "Smells like plastic," he said as he shook it gently. "I think it's a model kit from how it sounds, but I can't tell you what it's a model OF."

"Well, it's more than we knew before," Stevie shrugged. "Try another one."

"Check," Jimmy said. "Here's one of mine." He sniffed it once, "Football."

"Keep going...," Stevie urged.

"Stop," Jim insisted. "You're gonna get caught!"

"Lemme see," Jimmy smiled. "You got a sweater," he snickered. "Wool."

"Rats," muttered Stevie. "Grandma can be SUCH a pain in the neck. What did she send you?"

"Rubber boots," sighed Jim. "The coast is clear, right?"

"Absolutely," Stevie replied. "Keep going!"

Jimmy went to each of the packages. A sniff, a jiggle, and he could ballpark the contents. "Finally this stuff is coming in handy," he muttered. "Hey, I think I finally got that electric train set I wanted!"

"How do you know that?" asked another voice.

"Well, I smell the tin and the steel... Plus, I hear the tracks bump each other when I shake it. Then there's the copper wires, rubber, and charcoal. What else COULD it be?"

"That's pretty sharp going, James," stated the voice levelly. "Sharp as a TACK."

"DAD?!" gasped Jimmy, horrified.

"Oooo, BUSTED!" laughed Cassie. Jim's face hardened, but he stayed silent.

"James, did we or did we not have a talk about your snooping?"

"B-but..."

"You have to fit IN, James," he scolded. "You can't do that if you're always messing around with that stuff you promised me you wouldn't DO anymore; now can you?"

"I...."

"Stop it," Dad barked. "You made a promise, and you broke it. What comes next?"

"I get punished," Jim sighed.

"I... I...," stammered Jimmy.

"Yes?" Dad demanded.

"I get punished," Jimmy said sadly. "But..."

"No buts. You knew the risks when you started, and you still did it. Maybe you could have gotten away with it, but you didn't. My hands are tied, Jimmy. There have to be consequences, or the system doesn't work, right?"

"I...."

"Right. So, since we're a family, and families share, I know what your punishment will be. Do you?"

"Um...."

"That's right! Half the fun of Christmas is opening the gift and seeing what it is, and you've had that now, haven't you? So for your punishment, we'll share."

"Huh?"

"Yeah. We'll give your brother Steven the OTHER half - actually HAVING the present. Share and share alike, right? That's what families do!"

"But..."

"Nope. That's my decision, and it's final. Maybe this will teach you to KEEP your promises from now on?"

"FINE!" snapped Jimmy. "I'm never going to get what I really want anyway!"

"What's that?" asked Dad.

"MY MOM BACK!" Jimmy shouted, tears streaming down his face. "At least SHE loved me!"

"She LEFT," Dad sneered. "And -I- STAYED. Freak son or NOT, I stayed."

"She didn't leave because I was a freak, and you know it! She LOVED me!"

"Suuuure, she did," mocked Dad. "All the way out the door."

"She didn't leave because of me," Jim accused. "She left because of YOU. She loved me and Stevie, but she hated you MORE than she loved us. I wish she'd taken me with her, because I hate you, TOO!"

"ENOUGH!" shouted Dad as he slapped Jimmy to the floor. "You will not speak of such things to me ever AGAIN, and you WILL keep your PROMISE. Do I make myself CLEAR?"

"Yes," seethed Jimmy.

"Good. Now get up and go to your ROOM! You're grounded two weeks on top of everything eles for sassing me."

Jimmy stomped up the stairs, noting his brother giving him the raspberry as he went.

Jim turned away from the scene angrily. "What the hell am I supposed to see here?" he growled.

"That," said Cassie as she turned him back to it. Jim took a step back in shock as his father covered his face and wept softly.

"Lord, I don't want to be so hard on the boy," he whispered in agony. "But I have to protect him..."

"Real asshole, huh?" Cassie stated flatly . "Pretty thankless job, providing for and protecting your family. Alone."

"Fuck him." Jim snarled. "There have to be consequences, or the system doesn't work. So fuck him. Is this what you're here for, Cassie? To remind me of my perfectly good reasons for not buying into this holly jolly bullshit? Job well done. See you later. Buh-bye."

"Not so fast!" Cassie scolded. "Sure you had a tough go of it, but you never knew why... Your father was scared to death about what could have happened to you - and for good reason. You know as well as anyone what could STILL become of you if your secret gets out."

"You KNOW?" Jim croaked out.

"Of course, stupid. I'm a ghost. I just happen to LOOK like Cassie to YOU. One time I looked like a dirty Buster Poindexter driving a cab. It depends on the person. Actually, I'm a young thing with a halo in a robe; but people see what they choose to see. As long as the message gets through, the messenger isn't an issue."

"So, what's the message?" Jim asked.

"C'mon, Jim!" she laughed. "I know you're a bit thick at times, but CHEESE! Oh well, let's try a different tact, shall we? There was a time when you believed, remember?"

"Believed in WHAT?"

"That people were GOOD. That love was REAL. That there was a time of year that it was even MORE real, because EVERYONE felt it..."

"Wow," Jim sniffed. "I must have been INTENSELY blasted that day..."

"Well, smartass," Cassie retorted. "Let's go SEE."

"See what?" sighed Jim dejectedly.

"MISTLETOE!" Carolyn giggled as she leaped into Jim's arms for a big smooch.

Jim stood frozen as he watched himself and his ex-wife in each other's arms in a small dining area of a banquet hall.

"The Christmas Ball?" Ellison gaped. "We haven't had one of these since... Since..."

"Nineteen ninety-four," Cassie cooed . "It's been rough since your talents kicked in, but the boys try to find the time."

"No," Ellison corrected. "It's been longer than THAT."

"Nope, you just stopped GOING, is all... Party pooper."

"Hey!" Carolyn said, pulling back. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Past-Ellison sighed. "Why do you think something's wrong?"

"You're hiding something from me," Carolyn huffed. "What is it?"

"Oh, you must mean this," Past-Ellison smiled as he pulled a small burgundy box from his pocket. "Here, sweetheart. Merry Christmas."

"Jim, you DIDN'T!" gasped Carolyn as she shakily took the small parcel and opened it.

"I know it's not much," Past-Ellison sighed. "But for an honest cop's salary, it's not bad, eh?"

"Oh my GOD, Jim," Carolyn flustered. "I... I don't know what to say!"

"As a suggestion, I'd go with 'Yes, Jim, I -will- marry you'," smiled Past-Ellison as he got on one knee.

"Awwww.... Now THAT is one romantic son of a gun," Cassie gushed. "What happened to him, anyway?"

"Stop this," Ellison whispered desperately. "NOW."

"Fine," pouted Cassie. "Have it YOUR way."

"Where the hell are we now?" Ellison demanded.

"We're stopping this, just like you asked," Cassie replied. "Darn shame, too."

"But this is my... OUR old apartment..."

"You noticed! I guess you know HER, too?" Cassie pointed behind Jim, and he turned to see Carolyn looking very unhappy on the phone. A tiny tree was on the table, and it looked fairly half-heartedly decorated.

"But, Jim, you said you would be home tonight!" Carolyn said accusingly. "I haven't seen you in WEEKS, and you PROMISED we could... But.... Can't someone ELSE do that? No, Jim, this is NOT about ME, this is about US. What? You know something, mister? There's no point of saving the world when you won't LIVE in it! FINE! Same to you! GOOD-BYE!" She hung up the phone angrily, and then ripped it off the wall.

"What did you tell her?" Cassie asked. "Same WHAT to you?"

"Merry Christmas," muttered Jim as he watched Carolyn sink to the floor in tears. "She wasn't home when I finally got there, and she took a leave of absence for a month right after. When she came back, it was with divorce papers... And I signed them."

"But why?" Cassie prodded. "What was so important that you couldn't spare a few hours for your wife?"

"We'd finally gotten a lead on a big shipment of cocaine coming into town, and I was heading up that investigation. My first major league bust. A career maker... When we brought the gang dowm, I got a medal for performing above and beyond the call... All it cost me... Was... Was Carolyn...."

"Jim, I'm so sorry," Cassie said soothingly.

"NO!" Jim shouted. "NO MORE. So what does it mean, huh? What's the message, Cassie?!? That I brought it all on myself? Don't you think I fucking KNOW that? But that's the past, right? I can't change it. I did what I did because I had a JOB to do. So I missed a few Christmas parties, so what? Doesn't all the good I did count for anything? How many people had a Christmas they WOULDN'T have had if it wasn't for me? I had to make sure everyone ELSE'S halls were decked. I shouldered that burden, and it's been breaking my fucking BACK!"

"I hear that," said a matronly voice behind him.

Chapter 5